I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's shark week go big or go home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
