The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
