And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
