don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
