I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
