Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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