i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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