just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
