census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
