i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
