If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
