Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
