when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
