She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
