ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
