I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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