drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
