im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
