is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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