If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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