I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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