so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
