oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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