Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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