please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
