I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
