That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
