All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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