I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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