i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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