the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
