i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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