he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
