so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
