I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
