his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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