I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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