you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
