You just made me feel so damn special
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
