i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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