Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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