Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
