beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
