So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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