O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize