i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
