I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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