there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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