my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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