saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
