I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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