Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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