So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
