my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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