I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
