Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
