we have officially lost it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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