Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
