How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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