i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
