The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
