i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.