you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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