Texts From Last Night

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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding

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  (931): don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding http://tfl.nu/47j9
  Replies (10) Good night (5831) Bad night (1200)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2448) Bad night (4666)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

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  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6530) Bad night (1418)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm

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  (904): the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm http://tfl.nu/rl73
  Replies (10) Good night (2517) Bad night (1151)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.

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  (314): I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from. http://tfl.nu/x0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (1596) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (2112) Bad night (649)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am too young to be this hungover

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?

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  (608): I am too young to be this hungover (262): Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th? http://tfl.nu/yoe0
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (1150)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.

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  (252): We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault. http://tfl.nu/5n55
  Replies (3) Good night (1601) Bad night (631)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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  (773): Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame. http://tfl.nu/s2ml
  Replies (3) Good night (1081) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.

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  (931): I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds. http://tfl.nu/alhy
  Replies (1) Good night (1053) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.

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  (720): You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist. http://tfl.nu/dze0
  Replies (10) Good night (1804) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  The band last night was really good

  (1-252): View more from North Carolina

  That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.

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  (252): The band last night was really good (1-252): That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/08ms
  Replies (2) Good night (1082) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?

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  (318): What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church? http://tfl.nu/g4ep
  Replies (9) Good night (1182) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?

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  (703): Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask? http://tfl.nu/w6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (477) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.

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  (307): I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/dw8b
  Replies (3) Good night (644) Bad night (226)

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