Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator

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  (503): It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator http://tfl.nu/0fh7
  Replies (2) Good night (1088) Bad night (587)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.

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  (515): there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up. (1-515): yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that. http://tfl.nu/isva
  Replies (9) Good night (2732) Bad night (788)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?

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  (631): Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up? http://tfl.nu/k005
  Replies (56) Good night (6588) Bad night (1381)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.

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  (203): no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/q394
  Replies (18) Good night (1295) Bad night (6573)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

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  (516): I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs" http://tfl.nu/07qw
  Replies (18) Good night (6556) Bad night (1190)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5931) Bad night (1143)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.

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  (940): Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car. http://tfl.nu/1zvq
  Replies (8) Good night (827) Bad night (2476)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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  (908): My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this. http://tfl.nu/dlh8
  Replies (10) Good night (2413) Bad night (779)
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  (562): View more from California

  don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

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  (562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku
  Replies (3) Good night (2458) Bad night (572)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore

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  (313): its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore http://tfl.nu/d5rl
  Replies (5) Good night (634) Bad night (1682)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.

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  (423): He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis. http://tfl.nu/f7rk
  Replies (7) Good night (1647) Bad night (452)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.

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  (423): Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes? (256): absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything. http://tfl.nu/f7u7
  Replies (9) Good night (952) Bad night (448)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.

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  (505): I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single. http://tfl.nu/1f65
  Replies (10) Good night (1500) Bad night (428)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.

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  (623): It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/ue2e
  Replies (1) Good night (293) Bad night (497)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups

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  (509): My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups http://tfl.nu/v3c2
  Replies (5) Good night (264) Bad night (502)

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