the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.