i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
