my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dating After Heartbreak
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?