you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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