areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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