I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she peed on how many people?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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