When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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