I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
