There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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